“Toy Robot Sword Breaks, Kid Pokes Eye Out”

Yesterday, I had a very pleasant day at work. I discovered that my research on the Daytona 500 proved very useful to our side. In his deposition, plaintiff's brother tried to make it sound like they left the race early because the plaintiff's back hurt sooooo much. But thanks to my fantastic research skills, our team managed to get him to admit that the cool and overcast day, coupled with the extended caution flag (Translation: The cars driving slowly...) also factored into their decision to leave. Score 1 for the Defense!!

After that little pick me up, I proceeded to check a number of things off of my “TO DO” List, and looked forward to meeting a friend for a relaxing drink after work. Just as I was packing up to leave, the partner I work for, lets call him “Dick,” asked about the Jury Verdict Reports he had asked me for. I kindly reminded him that I e-mailed him earlier in the afternoon, and let him know that the mailroom wouldn't have them copied until the next morning. He denied ever seeing such an e-mail, and proceeded to ask me exactly what was stopping me from “going down there and copying them myself.” Despite all logic which may lead someone to a contrary conclusion, I couldn't think of a single reason. We “agreed” it would be a very good idea for me to head down there and get as much as possible done before he had to leave for his train. At the end of the day, he got what he wanted (I photocopy with the speed of a ninja...), I was half an hour late to meet my friend, and... icing on the cake! “Dick” called me first thing this morning to let me know that he noticed me getting ravaged by the monsoon (picture umbrella breaking from the sheer force of the wind) while he was entering his cab. Now, lets be honest, no one expected him to miss his train in order to spare me from the elements, but was it really necessary to rub it in my face?

Today's real gem, though, was also thanks to “Dick.” He called me into his office to give me a new assignment, and per usual, I sat there for a solid 5 minutes listening to his internal monologue. As he browsed a list of new cases in the Law Bulletin, he read headline that caught his eye, “Toy Robot Sword Breaks, Kid Pokes Eye Out”- and follows up (eloquent as always) with, “Man! See! I want to get the good cases like this one!” I ended the day watching store surveillance tape of a woman falling at Target. Even defense attorneys need a good laugh once in a while... she really ate it.

Settlements and Scissors Lift

When I decided to go to law school, I knew I could change the world. And here I am- living the dream. Every time I scour 10 years worth of medical records and find a scintilla of evidence that a poor old woman who slipped on toothpaste at Target once had back pain before the date of the “incident,” thereby eliminating her chances of getting a hefty settlement check, I know I have greatened the impact I will leave on this world. Yes, working in insurance defense may seem like selling out at first glance, but you've got to pay attention to the big picture... Insurance companies aren't the devil, they create jobs! And that guy probably didn't really get hurt when the construction foreman lowered a scissors lift on his head anyway- he's just looking for free money. (A couple of invasive surgeries and he should regain most of the use of his right side.)

People ask me how I can live with myself- but I think if you were to take a look at what I actually do during the day, you would understand how I truly am serving a higher purpose. Just take today for instance- I spent an hour researching the ins and outs of the 2006 Daytona 500. Why you might ask? So that our team of well trained attorneys can take the deposition of a plaintiff's brother (iron worker by trade/NASCAR enthusiast by choice) and catch him in a pointless lie- or inaccurate memory to be more exact. Does it have anything at all to do with the lawsuit? Of course not- “Goes to credibility, your honor!!”

At least I was able to end the day on an uplifting note! We got a new case! Wrongful death actions brought by the families of 2 people who died of carbon monoxide poisoning- allegedly due to a defective HVAC system. Key word: allegedly. A day in the life at my firm can be aptly summed up by a more seasoned veteran of the system- someone who has been playing this game for years now- and clearly gets it- “Hey you wannabe lawyers. This job of ours can be demoralizing at times, but why not laugh about it?”